I love the countryside and often leave my pond for a good waddle through the fields (I know flying is quicker but sometimes you just have to take things slowly!)

Whilst on my many waddles I have frequently come across sheep with strange coloured marks on their sides which look like ink blots and have often wondered what these marks could be - I'm pretty sure sheep don't carry biros so they can't be from leaky pens!

  Sheep with 'ink blots'

After extensive research I narrowed the explanation down to three options;  1) It is an experiment into dyeing wool 'at source',  2) The farmers are marking the sheep or  3) The sheep play paintball.

1)  It is an experiment into dyeing sheep 'at source'.

   Interesting though this idea might be, I have   concluded that this explanation must be false   as it would scare the hell out of the other   animals (or possibly cause jealousy) and   besides which you'd never be able to find the   green sheep!!

2)  The farmers are marking the sheep.

  Bit of a lame theory I know, but included for completeness.   Having come up with this option I then couldn't think of any   logical reason why farmers would want to mark their own   sheep!

3)  The sheep play paintball.

  In true Sherlock Holmes fashion, having eliminated all   other options this must be true - sheep must play   paintball

I have never actually witnessed a game of sheep paintball in progress, but then we all know how secretive sheep can be, and those woolly coats are just made for concealing weapons!

Maybe the sheep play at night (must be plenty of room in those coats for night-vision goggles too!) or maybe they just play in remote locations and post sentry sheep to keep watch. Either way there must be some explanation as to why the farming community has not made this sheep discovery before me.

I have also noticed that you only ever seem to see sheep with the same coloured marks. This could mean that what I have actually seen are the designated holding areas where 'dead' sheep go when they are out of the game, or it could just mean that the other side is very, very good at paintball !!

  These sheep were obviously very bad at paintball -   standing   still whilst the other team shot numbers onto their sides!

I have also heard rumours that there are different types of paintballing sheep, these rumours are, as yet, unconfirmed but I have compiled some photographs of possibilities.

 This is obviously just an ordinary 'soldier' sheep

  and here we have another 'soldier' sheep sporting 'braveheart' style   war paint ready for the next game.

  Here we see a sheep using the old "don't shoot me I'm a cow technique" !!

  I suspect this sheep, sporting the traditional black balaclava, to be a   member of the much fabled SAS (Special Air Sheep).

  Face disguised to protect identity.

  More members of the SAS - note the cleverly disguised 'behind-the-ear'   radios worn by these sheep for communication in the field.

  This sheep appears to be kitted out in full 'night-ops' gear ready for the evenings   game.

I have even come across sheep fortifications and blockades that serve as a permanent reminder of battles won and lost, and to which sheep families make regular pilgrimages in order to see the spot where Uncle Shawn won his coveted VC.

  "Look Dear, this is the wall where your Uncle made   his last stand."

  More members of the 'Braveheart' company man a defensive   bunker.

One day I hope to be able to witness a game of sheep paintball and when I do you can be sure that I will break the news (and hopefully photographs) here on this site.

In the meantime, if anyone out there has any information on this sheep theory please feel free to contact me (full details on my contact page). Any pertinent information will be added to this site in the hope that it will generate more leads and, hopefully, bring us closer to solving this sheep mystery.

Remember - the truth is out there!

© Quackyright 2000 Fuzzyduck - Last Updated 31/01/2000